Thoughts on Parenting

This week we became the parents of two adult children. Sam turned 18, leaving us with only one minor in our household. It’s weird to think about that. For over 20 years, we’ve been doing this parenting thing.

However, I seldom think to myself “where has the time gone?” Because, after all, we’ve been responsible for kids (feeding, clothing, herding, disciplining, guiding, etc) for 20 years.

While we aren’t empty-nesters quite yet, we are experiencing the growing independence of our kids. And to be honest, this is one of my favorite stages. Not because we’re getting rid of them (and certainly, with two college bills looming, we are not rid of them), but because I love watching them grow into who they are becoming.

Today Chelsea ran her first half marathon. It was so fun to be there to encourage her and to watch her fortitude. As mom, I wanted to be there at every mile to remind her: you can do it; don’t let the stress , or the miles, get to you; stay focused; it’s ok if you need to slow down a bit; be sure and take your goo at the right time.

Then I would remind myself, she began this running thing on her own. This is her goal. She’s got this. We’re just her fan club.

Logistically we were able to position ourselves at a few spots to cheer her on – but we knew that after 8.5 miles, she would have to run the rest without support if we were going to be at the finish to see her cross. We also knew that that would be the hardest stretch. And she had to do it on her own.

[Oh, and just as an aside, this race was run entirely in the city of Raleigh – yes, our “big city” has these views.]

So we positioned ourselves at the finish line and waited for her to turn that corner and run up the hill. And right around the time we expected her, she appeared. 

And she finished strong.

I love that she set such a challenging goal.

I love that she had the discipline to accomplish her goal.

I love that her boyfriend encouraged her through training and the race.

I love that we got to see her finish.

I love that being a parent doesn't end at 18... or 21...

Destination: Sam's Choice

Two years ago I blogged about our idea for a family senior trip for each of our children.

Well, tonight we are one step closer to Sam’s  senior trip. The hotel is booked and after much searching, tickets for a special evening have been purchased.

Where are we going? Well it’s Sam’s choice.

Hint: Sam just finished his fourth musical in high school where we were wow-ed by his singing, acting and his ability to portray evil so well (a little too well) ….

The Project that Never Ends

Yes, it goes on and on my friends.

But we completed one more step in the patio project that has been going on for almost two years now.

It was two years ago that we started ripping out our rotting deck.  It started with the hair-brained idea that we would repair our deck enough to have a high school graduation party for Chelsea **class of 2010** in our back yard. Instead we ended up tackling a much bigger project and having a party at a nearby park (and it was fabulous, I might add.) A more realistic goal should have been Sam’s graduation **class of 2012**. 

I've  been blogging about our project along the way  here.

After ripping out a deck, repairing rot along the house, cutting down some very tall trees, re-grading part of the back yard, and laying our patio, we are ready for the final phase.

With the help of one amazing landscape artist, we were able to get a plan on paper this winter. And today we started the final phase.

We created a path that will sit in the midst of the garden area along our house and patio.

If Dave and I can manage of get out of bed tomorrow, this weekend will be a success.

In April we'll be on to the next phase ... planting! It’s going to look fantastic!

Advocacy and Letting Go

This folder represents almost  7 years of IEPs for Sam. (Individual Education Plans – for those of you not savvy in the education lingo. IEPs are drawn up for kids who have disabilities - whether physical, learning, developmental or otherwise - that might interfere with their learning in the standard classroom and/or standard mode of instruction.)

I had to drag the folder out of the filing cabinet this past week and dust it off in order to do a little advocating for Sam. I needed to confirm something for one of his teachers.

As I pulled out the thick folder, it hit me…in less than 2 months Sam will turn 18. My job as his advocate will be done. It will be up to him to determine if he feels a need for accommodations, and when, if ever, to share with educators/employers that he has Asperger’s.

Don’t get me wrong, we have known this day is coming. Specialists and educators have been clear with us and with him that this soon will be his burden alone.

It’s just weird to think about that.

You see, for more years than we have known he has Asperger’s, we have been advocating for him, beginning when he was three. Searching for the puzzle pieces that might help us understand Sam and help him navigate everything around him.  The thick file pictured above has a predecessor. Doctors; evaluations; diagnosis; therapies. A box full of files are now  in a box in the attic.

We haven’t referenced that file box in the attic or his IEP at all during his high school years. And even at the required annual updates, we often discussed dropping most of his accommodations. After all, Sam has emerged as a brilliant, independent, young man.

On March 28 of this year we may cease to be his advocates.  We’ll let go of that. But we will always be his parents and his biggest fans.

Just a little visit to China

At the beginning of 2012, Dave and I had the opportunity to travel to China. Why China? Lots of people have asked us that.

I say, why not? We’d never been there. Oh, and so we could see our friends, Karel and Lori. They left our community about 18 months ago to settle down in East Asia. Currently they are studying Mandarin while living in Dalian, in the Northeast province.

While it’s fun to watch social media and blogs to see what they’re up to, and to read their occasional updates, there’s nothing like being there and seeing what their lives are like on a daily basis.  So that’s why we went.

We were there for 10 days and our friends were amazing hosts. We saw a lot, ate a lot and had some unforgettable experiences – so much more than if we had just gone on a tour or tried to explore by ourselves.

We were so thankful for Lori and Karel’s ability to communicate for us. They really have begun to master the language, although they would say they have a long way to go. They were masters at communicating with taxi drivers, shop vendors and just about anyone we encountered.

They definitely are good at bargaining at the market – moments after taking this photo, Lori threw out a low-ball offer for some souvenirs we wanted and we were kicked out of the booth.

They introduced us to all kinds of food. No, all Chinese restaurants are not buffets.  But chopsticks were our only option and we managed just fine! We did cook our own food a few times. Like at Hot Pot (think Melting Pot, without the cheese or chocolate), and Korean BBQ, where we grilled our own food.

Although the meat choices were sometimes a little disconcerting.

We even got to treat their boys to an evening at McDonalds (flying solo without our interpreters!) Even with a picture menu, we had trouble communicating what we wanted.

We took a night train to Beijing which was quite an experience. Lori and I had a room with their boys. Dave and Karel got to bunk with some nationals.

We definitely got the Asian experience staying a couple of nights in a traditional Chinese courtyard hotel.



a view into our room



the courtyard, from our room

Some people have asked about the toilet conditions. While their home and the hotel have toilets, most other places have some variation of a "squatty-potty”. In my life of traveling/living places, these were certainly not the worst…

And thanks to Excel Body Fitness, my quads were in tip-top shape to support me when nature called. 

The sights of Beijing did not disappoint. No amount of words or impressive editing of photos could do justice to the beauty of the architecture or the massive maze of courtyards at the Forbidden City.

Or the awe of standing smack in the middle of Tian’anmen Square.

Or the majesty of the mountains laced with a stone wall, man-made hundreds of years ago, for miles and miles.

By far, my favorite experience was a “tea ceremony”. While I don’t think it was a real tea ceremony (which I think is basically a tea tasting…?) because it was way out of our price range, this shop owner was kind enough to share his already brewed pot with us. And teach us a bit about the proper way to taste tea. And drink from the same leaves over and over, bringing out a new flavor each time.

Then he decided to let us try another tea, just for fun. At least I think that's how it went down - it was all a foreign language to us. :-)

Just sitting in this place, with the décor and lighting was enough to make us feel like we were really in China. And I will always remember this each time a drink a cup of tea.

Thank you Lori and Karel for an amazing visit. We are so glad we got to experience a taste of your new life with you!

It's 2012!!!!

So this is kind of really late. But better late than never.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year from the Loomis Gang.

a subtle plug for arts schools

Tonight is the opening night for Cary High’s production of “And Then They Came For Me: Remembering the World of Anne Frank.” It’s a multi-media presentation of the stories of a few teenagers and their families affected by the tragedy  we call the Holocaust. The main character is not Anne Frank, but teens who knew her, including her boyfriend. Part of the story is told by the actual survivors via video. The actors, in turn, portray them in their younger years.

Last night was “preview night” which is a sneak peak of the performance for patrons and parents. I wasn’t really sure what to expect – though I knew it would be different than any other production I have seen at the school.

I walked away deeply touched. While the performance was very well done, and I was impressed with each actor’s ability to pull the audience in emotionally, what touched me was much deeper.

 As a parent of one of the actors, I knew how this cast had delved into their roles.  This was really no surprise. This director has always required a lot of her actors. They spend their weeks of rehearsal learning and developing their characters beyond the stage and their lines, no matter what play they are performing. But this time they were not developing characters; they were playing the parts of actual people.

So during the last 7 weeks this cast has visited the Holocaust Museum in D.C., kept personal journals, met and listened to Holocaust survivors, and of course they have rehearsed tirelessly.

The play was performed in-the-round, with the entire audience sitting on the stage. After the performance, the director brought the cast out for a “talk-back” session. The floor was open for questions and/or responses to what we experienced.

And this is where I was most touched.  As the cast answered questions like “How do you get in and out of character?”…. “Did you really slap her???” … “How has this affected your life beyond the stage?” it became evident that this experience has impacted every single one of them, from the lead roles to the sound technician. These “kids” portrayed the lives of “kids” that lived through a time we cannot even imagine. The gravity of their thoughts, the depth of their emotion and their willingness to be authentic with the audience created a profound moment. 

In that profound moment, as well as during the performance, I loved watching the faces of the Cary High teachers in the audience. (Theatre in-the-round makes that really easy.) Mixed with emotion were faces of deep satisfaction. Satisfaction that their days spent teaching, challenging, grading, disciplining are worth it. Watching teenagers grow as they learn of things beyond themselves and struggle with the challenges in this world probably makes it worth it to get up in the morning and step back into the classroom.

And who would have thought that it's in the theatre department... the arts... the extra curricular program that is so tempting to cut when money is tight, that life lessons are learned.