As many of you know, our second-born has
Asperger’s. I don’t blog about it much, mostly because I haven’t wanted to blab
it all over the web that Sam has Asperger’s. But recently he started his own
blog. He’s amazingly gifted at articulating his perspective and his words have
already been a blessing to so many. (Please forgive his lack of posts recently…
it’s his senior year and college/scholarship essay season on top of his already
crazy schedule.)
So I figure since it’s out there, it’s open
season for me to give some perspective on being a mom of someone with
Asperger’s.
Sam recently got his driver’s license. At 17
½ It’s a little later in life than most of
his peers, but as we’ve learned through our years of parenting Asperger’s,
sometimes your child just isn’t ready for some things as soon as other kids.
This is actually true for all kids, but I guess we have a reason to not feel a
need to keep up with the Jones’.
Anyway, finally the day arrived that Sam
could drive himself to school. He got the proper paperwork, we filled it out,
agreed to the the rules, signed our names, and he was assigned his very own
parking space in the student lot.
Yesterday he drove off to school for the
first time. It’s a short drive, but like any parent that watches their child
drive off for the first time alone, I worried and waited by my cell phone until
I knew enough time had passed for him to be safely at school.
And on the first day… he got a parking
violation. Yup, a big ol’ yellow slip on his car. (Excuse me, his sister’s car) Why? He parked
backwards in his space You know, so he could pull straight out when he left.
All because I, Mom, suggested it. Well, apparently it’s against the rules.
Being the rule-follower that he is, he was a bit
unsettled when he got home. And I felt
horrible for not noticing that rule, and further, for suggesting he park that
way. He was wondering what other rules he had missed. So I rifled through his
school paperwork to find the parking rules – which I never found because, of
course, they are on the back of the parking application that gets turned in.
To be sure that Sam was comfortable with
all the rules, I emailed the school asking for an electronic copy of the rules.
They were prompt in replying with the attachment, but added As I read them over, I see we do
not have the directions for parking on the form. He is fine, now that he knows.
Really?? Really??
This is where life as a parent of an Aspergian can be incredibly
frustrating, and even more frustrating for the Aspergian. You have a rule that
you don’t share until it’s broken? And yet I can reflect on many times this has
happened over the years. For a lot of people it’s just water off their backs.
But for an individual with Asperger’s, who really wants to follow the rules,
having to break a rule before learning the rule makes no sense.
And so we face another life lesson for Sam. We take a
deep breath and start to explain, once again, that life is full of rules.
Spoken and unspoken. We’ll concur with him as he argues that it’s inconsistent,
yet we’ll persevere in teaching respect for authority and how to be gracious in
difficult moments.
And then we’ll collapse on the couch from mental fatigue
and wonder how each of these moments is shaping his perspective of this complex
world we live in.
