Five years ago...

Five years ago to today, we rolled into Cary, North Carolina in our car, affectionately named Big Red, hauling all of our belongings behind us. Literally. A few hours later we were finished signing papers and moving into our “new” house.

Our return to Cary was bittersweet. It was a new beginning yet so much was unknown. We were returning after having lived in England for three years. We had lived in Cary prior to living in England, but it was only for two brief years. And we had no family in Cary or anywhere in North Carolina, or the southeast for that matter.

So why did we return to Cary? Well, that’s the story I’m reflecting on today.


A few months before our return to the States we received a long awaited diagnosis for our son, Sam, who was 11 at the time. High functioning Autism, aka Asperger’s Syndrome. This diagnosis was not a surprise to us, as we had spent years trying to comprehend Sam and help him understand himself. Asperger’s had been a word out there for a few years, but it seemed that everyone wanted to rule out everything else first. In that process we worked through many of his sensory issues, general anxiety and social withdrawal. But when intense anxiety struck his mind a few months before his diagnosis, it turned our family life upside down. Months of sleepless nights for him, and subsequently us, pushed us to the point of realizing that we were not managing his issues well. We were at the end of our rope. We knew it was time to seek answers and get support. So we flew back to North Carolina to UNC Chapel Hill to seek answers, and got the diagnosis.


On the flight back to England, I consumed an entire book on Asperger’s, treatment, challenges, etc. I literally read the entire flight. And Sam read the newly released Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince for the entire flight – cover to cover. And then he started again. I don’t remember if Dave was reading or sleeping. :-)


We came away from Chapel Hill and reading books knowing that we had a choice. We could help Sam now in his pre-teen years with cognitive behavioral therapy and self awareness, and give him every chance to flourish into an independent adult who can live a full life and contribute significantly to society. Or we could ignore his challenges and let him get by in school and allow him to continue withdrawing socially.


And so our return to Cary was in pursuit of the best opportunities for Sam. We returned to a doctor who had known Sam since he was seven, and knew our family well. She was a huge part of helping us and Sam navigate the ebb and flow of anxieties, middle school, self-awareness, parenting Asperger’s, family dynamics and more.


Fast Forward to October 2010.

Sam, in his appearance in A Midsummer Night's Dream at his school, wrote a biographical poem for the playbill. Here it is:

Sam Loomis (Thisbe/Flute)

My name is Sam and I am playing Flute
I’m always doing math and finding roots
I’m in eleventh grade, 16 years old
Got Asperger’s and allergies to mold
As you can see, I write much poetry
Pentameter or writing verses free
I’d like to thank my friends and family
My teachers who have taught me selflessly
My God, who is the maker of all things
For the support and kindness you guys bring.
That’s all for now, I hope I’ve paid my dues
This poem ends – Adieu! Adieu! Adieu!

The first time I saw this poem was on opening night. I was shocked – the word Asperger’s jumped off the page and I wondered if Sam knew what he had done. As far as I knew, this was the first “public” outing of his diagnosis. Yes, his teachers know, but wow. To put that in print in front of your peers is a big thing.


Yet each night of the production, someone would approach me and ask if Sam was my son. Always, they commented on how well Sam did and how they would never know that he has Asperger’s. The most touching conversation was on the final night. A mom approached me as we waited for the actors to come out after the production. She started making small talk and eventually just came out and said “my son has Asperger’s.” I heard a twinge of despair in her voice and so I asked how old he was. “Eleven,” she answered. Wow. Rewind to five years ago in my life and I’m pretty sure I know how she feels. We talked for a bit and at the end of our conversation she said “Sam gives me hope.”


So that’s what I’m reflecting on today…

A Picture a Day

I started this project on January 1st.


I don’t know how consistent I’ll be, but I like that it’s an easy way to remember one detail about each day of the year. And who knows, maybe I’ll dive back into being a creative photographer. It’s been way too many years and I know some day I’ll get back into it.

I wish more of my friends were doing it. It’s a fun way to get a glimpse into others’ lives.

So if you’re already doing it, or if I’ve inspired you to give it a go, let me know so I can follow you!

It's Been One of Those Years

“It’s been one of those years.” I heard this quote in a movie I saw recently. It really was not a significant line in the movie, but it resonated with me. It’s hard to believe that 2010 is almost over. But to be honest, many times in this year I have thought about the fact that 2010 is a year that our family will never forget. It's been one of those years.



On Christmas Eve, as we feasted on our Christmas dinner, we spent some time reflecting on our year, centering our conversation around the advent candle themes. Hope, Preparation, Joy, Love and Christ.

As we reflected on these themes, we shared memories as a family and brought closure to this monumental year. Here are just a few of our memorable events from 2010.


Marking Chelsea’s senior year in high school with our family’s first trip to Disney World…

Losing my Dad in February... It was an incredibly low season for us as a family, yet we were so loved and encouraged by our friends.

So many senior/graduating activities – a fun time celebrating Chelsea’s accomplishments.

Sam’s mission trip to the Dominican Republic

Jack facing his fear of all things medical as he had an unexpected surgery

Figuring out how to let go…

A quick trip to Haiti for Dave and me

Sam gaining more thespian experience as he dabbled in Shakespeare

Jack turning 11 and officially entering the ‘tween years (how can that be?)

As we journey into 2011, there is no doubt we have grown as a family and as individuals. We have grown in understanding what it is journey in this life; what it is to walk in the ways of Jesus as we experience Hope, Joy and Love; and what it is to give Hope, Joy and Love to others.

  
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Project Patio Update

It’s high time for a patio project update.
 No, we’re not finished. It’s amazing how life can get in the way of a do-it-yourself project. Especially if you let it.

Despite my lack of an update, progress has been made. In August we had ten trees taken out of our front and backyard. While it doesn’t even put a dent in the amount of tree-age on our property, it does allow a little more space for our plan. And it allows for a little more health for some of our trees.

In September we dealt with the damaged siding on our house from the old deck and rot that was uncovered behind the deck.

 In November we had our back yard re-graded, raising the grade near the house and improving drainage while preparing a space for our patio and landscaping.

 In the process of removing the trees, and raising the grade, our dog discovered that it is all the easier to hop over our fence whenever she gets a dog’s itch to roam the neighborhood. I will disclose that our dog has always had a Houdini-like gift of getting out of any area she wants, including our fenced-in yard. Usually it's only when she gets fed up with being treated like a dog and not a human. But this past couple of weeks she has been asking to go out much more frequently, only for us, or our neighbors, to find her gallivanting around bringing traffic to a screeching halt…

 So the project today was to plant a pointy, pokey shrub at the sweet spot where she jumps. It will be much more effective when it gets a little taller and wider, but it’s a start. She looks thrilled, doesn't she?

Next step for the patio project… a new back door, storm door, and back stoop. The posts holes for the stoop are already dug.

Plus One

Tonight my doorbell rang, and there stood a familiar face. Not because I see her often, but because I have seen her a lot in pictures recently.


You see, my friend, Lori, moved halfway around the world in August with her family, and I have been following their adjustment and adventures on their blog and Facebook. Recently Lori's mom went for a visit and I loved seeing photos of all that they were doing.

Well, I guess my friend has been reading my blog too, because her mom returned from halfway around the world and there she stood at my door tonight with a special delivery.

A Starbucks City Mug to add to my collection.

OK, so I haven’t been to Dalian yet (do you know where that is?), but I can drink my coffee out of this mug on Saturday mornings and remember Lori and her family. And remember that I should start saving up to make my way to Dalian some day!

Thank you Lori and Karel!

City Mug Saturdays

Most Saturday mornings are sacred in our house. No alarms are set. And we eventaully start our day with a big family breakfast and a big cup of coffee. Or two.

Several years ago we started collecting Starbucks’ City Mugs. Any city that we visit that has a Starbucks, we make it a point to look for a city mug to add to our collection.

Since most mornings our coffee is downed on the go, Saturdays are the day we pull out our city mugs and savor the coffee. So if there is an event or upcoming trip that involves one of our cities, we pull out that particular mug or mugs. For example, on D-day we may pull out our D.C. and London mugs to signify our nation's joint efforts with the UK on that day. Or when some of our family is visiting a city, say for a college visit, we may pull out that city mug in their absence. Various sports seasons are another reason we may pull out particular mugs.

Can you guess why we chose these mugs for today?

That’s right – the Rangers vs. Yankees series is on our mind.

So who am I cheering for? Well, the Rangers, of course. And it’s not because I am a die-hard Rangers fan. Despite being a native Texan, and lifetime Cowboys fan, and having lived in Dallas for 10 years, I am not a Rangers fan.

The NY Mets are more my style. I attended boarding school on Long Island, and worked at a summer camp in the same place during my college summers, and I attended my share of Mets and Yankees games. And the Mets are just alright by me.

So in light of that – GO RANGERS!!!!

And just as an FYI, I am the one who drank out of the Dallas mug. Because Dave has been known to cheers for the Yankees on occasion. What can say - he used to be a Buffalo Bills fan, too....

the economy of silly bands

Dave and I have been in Haiti for the last few days. We’re spending time with the Mangine family. They rescue and bring into their family Haitian kids, who would otherwise be sold into slavery or left on the street to fend for themselves. And they do more in their community than just parent lots of kids. You can follow their adventure here.

Our trip was sort of last minute, so when I was trying to think of a treat to bring the 10 kids, the first small, inexpensive, very American thing that came to mind was silly bands.

So yesterday Dave and I gave each kid 6 silly bands. I figured they would do as American kids do, trade them back and forth, negotiating for the more popular shapes. Instead, within an hour, a micro-economy had emerged in the Mangine home, and suddenly there were a couple of kids with arms full of silly bands, and the majority wearing one or none. I figured it was a short-lived treat.

But amazingly, the economy was still alive this morning. Commodities were still changing hands, much like a stock market. It was a game. They would toss one silly band onto the ground, and then take turns tossing their bands, trying to get closest to the first silly band thrown.

And much like the stock market , I would think I understood the game and who was on top.

And then the players would change

 and someone else was on top.

I wonder who will be on top tomorrow...